The other side of 'M' in being a Mother

"Oh, it's hilarious. Her smile makes my day. The sparkle in her eyes brings back the spark in me. Her excitement of learning something new every day makes me excited like never before. The experience of bringing and nurturing a life from zero is thrilling and cannot be shared in words." Whoa!

Well, this would have been nice to share as an status update on FB or sharing experience with not-so-close people. The reality has much more than this. It's like what others see is the glitter part of it.

To give a glimpse, a scene from movie Sex and city comes to mind where the character shuts herself in a room and vents out her helplessness as a mother of two kids until the nanny arrives. She was privileged to have friends with whom she could discuss the hardships of being a mother. The group finally went on a vacation!

I am celebrating Mother's Day as a mother first time today and the mom inside me is not letting me rest until I share the experience. Without doubt this is strictly my personal experience and cannot be generalised.

I would candidly accept that though I have always respected my mom, the respect and love has increased many times after I myself became a mom. In general I have never taken pride in being a woman as much as I do now. Living still in an era and country where education, independence and self-esteem of a woman is questioned I consider myself privileged to act and take decisions on my own. I remember the morning when I woke up with the feeling of severe itching on hands and feet. I had talked about the itching to people before and they said that it was nothing serious and hence did not discuss with the doctor. That morning, I just did not talk to anyone rather searched randomly on internet and found that it could be due to liver functioning problem causing sudden death of the baby without giving an iota of hint. Wow!, that was at the end of eight months of pregnancy. I rushed to the doctor and the LFT (Liver function test) confirmed that I was having the rare problem that happens to 1 in 4 women. The main doctor after a day said that I could not have a normal delivery and the baby had to be taken out at the earliest. The lady's doctor exact words were "You are sitting on a time bomb" followed by words posing risk to baby in a way I would not even like to remember at this point of time. How could it be possible that these doctors on whom we risk our entire lives are so unemphathic? 

I had a preterm delivery and a healthy baby girl was born. I cannot express the feeling when the paediatrician said to me in OT " You are mother of a healthy girl. She is alert and doing good." I saved myself because I acted correctly on developing the itching sensation. Is this not a real case scenario which highlights importance of women having access to Internet? This comes to my mind because the other day I saw a debate on FB on women having access to Internet or something on the same lines.

The most surprising fact after becoming mother is why do people not discuss the pains associated with it. My own mother never highlighted the hard facts before, it's only now that she do accept my feelings and agrees to them. I don't want to sound like a pessimist or negative person but I have to say that pregnancy and delivery procedure has been the most traumatic experience of my life so far. The testimony to my good health is I have never been admitted to a hospital in 29 years.

The cut below my stomach is so deep and prominent that I know the mark is life long. I remember in OT the doctor just before operation said that an injection would be given on my back so that I don't feel the pain also known as anaesthesia. Injections after injection, I have lost count of injections I had to take in that period. Two ladies doctor were performing actions on the area I have the cut mark now and then after few minutes another doctor literally jumped to action to push the baby who must have been visible by then and then the next sound I heard was "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa". That's it, any pain I had suffered before was a thing of past. The future looked different and smooth. 

My body had to be transferred from OT to intensive care unit for an hour as that was the procedure followed by the hospital. I don't know if I can say the transfer experience to be funny. I was completely helpless to move any part of my body and could only see nurses doing the work. In ICU though I was aware of the surroundings I was just a body lying on the bed. I could hear another lady moaning in pain  with sounds like "aaaah". I did not open my eyes and to remain optimistic thought of the word - progressive pain, meaning I would not suffer the same pains in future and any new pain would only be in the way of me getting better and back to normal life.

I cannot forget the moment when my body had to be moved from ICU to hospital room when one of the nurses asked me to lift my body. I am not sure if I said anything or they themselves figured out that I was still under the effect of anaesthesia and was not feeling every part of my body. A bottle and a bag were temporarily attached to my body. The hospital room was going to be my home for the next 7 days! For someone who completely hates hospital and has never been admitted there before, 7 days were really not easy.

I could not get up from the bed without assistance, could not even go to toilet without assistance. I really don't know if everyone faces this or it was just me! My body was completely messed up. For two to three days I had to take bath with the help of a nurse. I did not know something like this would happen with me in the process of becoming a mom. No one ever discussed these things with me. For the first few days I could not even manage to have the baby with me. 

Well this is just one part of a big process. The ailing body has to become ready for the next big thing called lactation. I have seen close to a dozen mothers feeding their babies in my own surrounding but never knew that to get started with it takes real effort. I along with other moms were given a class by paediatrician in the hospital on lactation. It was said that the mother's milk that comes out after a day or two from delivery is essential for the baby because it protects the baby from diseases in long term. At that time I was difficulty managing my own body, lactation was a distant act all together. I would restrict from writing all the painful experiences I had during the early days but would share the experience of last day in the hospital. The doctor had suggested medicines for greater production of milk without explaining that the milk produced had to be given to baby regularly else could lead to other problems. I faced those other problems!

On the last day the doctor suggested ice pack treatment to break the accumulated milk and make the organ back to normal to enable lactation. That evening I really couldn't control my emotions and when the doctor came to check and started giving suggestions, I broke and emptied few buckets from the ocean of water under my eyes. I had never felt more helpless than at that moment.

After getting discharged from the hospital I had the excitement of starting a different life. Babies are really not easy to handle in the first few months. It was a very strange time when I really did not know how were the days passing by. Proper guidance really helps in the initial days and importance of family is realised to the best. I have to thank Internet and people as for most of the information that I have got so far regarding babies have proved to be really true. The best part of motherhood is, it gets better, smoother and enjoyable with time. 

The experiences are like collection of short stories. It did not come naturally to me to understand and accept that a baby comes to world by actually knowing nothing actually NOTHING. They learn as they grow. Doesn't this fact adds more responsibility and pressure on parents? Per me it certainly does. After reading close to century of perspectives on success my personal take is, family background also plays a crucial role. 

 The first three months were really hard. Nights were day and days had to be night to be in sync with baby. Babies cry a lot in the initial months as per my experience. Now, it's her ninth month and she does not cry even 100th part of that in initial months. I have to keep myself stable and controlled at all times without becoming impatient at any moment. The expectations from women have really become tremendous in modern times.

 I remember the night when she was just a month old and started crying all of a sudden. Not knowing what to do, I just placed my palm on her head and was surprised to see her becoming calm real quick. That was the first time I felt importance of mother's touch.

All the dedicated efforts and time that I have spent on her gets rewarded with her activities giving encouragement and motivation to the mother inside me. At this time, she is on her way to learn words and talk but in the meantime eyes convey a lot. One day her dad tried real hard to make her sleep and failed and the moment I took her in my hands, the expression on her face changed so expressively that remembering the moment could make me sleep even in most troubled time.

The responsibilities of a mother are really too much and cannot be compromised. The fact is I as a mother will not be satisfied and happy until my daughter is. So anything I do as a mother is first to make me satisfied and happy. There are times when I really need time for myself and have to figure out ways to find that. Motherhood has induced several good things in me including tolerance, patience, greater pride in being a woman and greater respect and love for all other women. It adds new dimensions to life and gives an added purpose to live happily. 

To end this blog I would say motherhood is not easy and hence goes with the saying "No gain without pain". It has many more sides to it than I thought few years ago. Some aspects are real hard to accept while others are enjoyable. No one has ever made me feel more important and needed than my nine months old daughter, Aananya. 

Happy Mother's Day!